Food Changes

My sis's friend drove us to the supermarket yesterday. It's not far, but the fact that he drove us meant we could stock up with as much as we wanted. I might have gone a bit overboard because I bought £65 worth of food and drink...

I've decided to try eating more fruit and more fish. Before I started eating meat again (from the ages of 19-23 I was pescetarian) I used to eat a lot more fish, but now that I eat meat, and can eat meat anywhere due to having no religious constraints any more - I tend to default to eating (red) meat whenever I can. And I'm notoriously bad for remembering to eat fruit or veg.

Granted, I only bought 3 carrots this time, but I did buy a lot of fruit. Strawberries, green apples, red grapes and clementines. One of our brothers got my sis a juicer for Christmas (granted, not a juicer she particularly wanted...), and my first thought was to make strawberry and apple juice, which is a personal favourite of mine.

I'm also hoping to eat 3 regular meals a day instead of 1-2 because of lack of energy or time. Today I managed to wake up early and had 2 beef sausages, half a tin of sweetcorn, half a small tin of baked beans and a fried egg. I'm still not hungry and I had that nearly 6 hours ago! But I will try and eat a late lunch soon.

Lunch will be grilled mackerel fillets with white rice.

I tried to base my food shopping somewhat on some good advice I saw on Boot's WebMD site. I'll try and post the advice they gave here. It was in the form of a quiz - I got less than half the questions right which shows how much I knew about the right diet!

Full House

My sis is back from Indonesia, which is really nice :) She got back yesterday morning and her friend has been staying here with us to spend time with her. It's really nice having the house full again - the cat is super energetic again too. I think she got too used to just lying around with me and then there would be nothing else going on in the rest of the house.

Run-down

Got back from Eastbourne the day before yesterday quite late. I spent Christmas there with a friend and her family, which was fun. But then yesterday I didn't do anything except sleep and lie around and watch Grey's Anatomy.

And now today I'm barely doing anything either :( Although... yesterday I did put things into my new diary, marking the days I'm at work and when I need to have pill-free days etc.

So, I'm once again going into list mode.

Done today:

• Took all my pills and supplements
• Applied face mask to help deal with my acne
• Ripped the CDs my brother got me for Christmas
• Read over other brother's writing
• Cancelled the trail of Amazon Prime (US) I signed up for for free so I could get my brother's present to him in time for Christmas
• Checked if I can get Lovefilm in Japan (I can't :( )
• Washed my hair
• Put the towels and shower curtain in to wash
• Washing up
• Emptied soiled cat litter
• Took out recycling and compost
• Made sister's bed
• Bleached the sink
• Checked to see if I can get my meds in Japan (I can, phew)

I'm really sniffly, I'm wondering if it's a cold or allergies or being run-down. I'm off work until January 7th, and then I only have a half day because I have a doctor's appointment that afternoon. I have enough holiday pay to cover one week of paid holiday (I think), but not quite enough to cover the second week so I think I'll only get paid a bit for the second week. My dad has offered to pay the difference though, which is quite sweet of him, but will hopefully will be unnecessary. 

Productive:

Fed cat
Fed self food I really wanted
Moved money from savings to regular account til pay comes in (urge it's becoming routine)
Cleaned out and washed cat litter tray
Took out rubbish and recycling and compost
Washed sister's bedding

Left to do:
Shower
Groom cat if she holds still
Hang up laundry

Friday

I'm not at work again today. I had ridiculous nightmares last night and then found it hard to be awake and not in intense physical pain. I was sick, but nothing came out cause there wasn't much in my stomach.

So I'm at home, and trying hard to stay positive. I'm gonna have a meeting with my supervisor on Monday so we can be up to date on the grant programme I'm working on. So, I'm already planning  what I need to prepare.

My allergies are back in full swing, so I'm going to give the kitty her allergy bath and wash my bedding. Later I'm gonna make some food and clean the house.

Wrapping the cat in paper sellotape is an incredible thing for cheering me up. Since it's paper sellotape it doesn't stick well to fur, but enough chin to make her hyperactive.

I started using my blu-light again. It's supposed to be good for SAD.

Productive things I've done today

as mundane and expected as they may be, but are still an achievement for me:

• ate breakfast 
• washed my face properly
•  confided about what I feel is a weakness to my supervisor
•  took all of my pills and supplements, not just the essentials
• made my bed for the first time in who knows how long
• finally put my clean laundry away
• did all the washing up
•  made myself eat a proper meal before going out

and now an waiting for my facemask to dry and then will shower.

Escapism

I came off my contraception about 3 months ago. I was taking it for acne vulgaris, but once the acne had been gone for about a year I decided it would be ok to come off it.

The first period I had was fine but the next two came with incredibly severe pms. Curled up in a ball crying wanting to hurt myself kind of severe.

When I saw the doctor last week I told her about it and she gave me a new contraceptive for the hormone imbalance, one that is safer to take long term. I quick-started it to avoid having to wait for my next period to take it and having to deal with the horrible pms again.

It's not fully kicked in yet though, so I'm still having the horrible feelings. These days it's not so much crying and wanting to hurt myself as just curling up and trying to run away from everything.

I gave my supervisor the short version if that when I emailed her to ask for the day off. I've been missing a fair bit of work lately (but some of that has been due to the engineer not showing up when he was supposed to), and I keep telling myself I'm gonna fix myself. Instead I sleep and watch tv.

I think I've fallen into the trap I used to fall into during therapy days - trying to escape everything instead of confronting and dealing. Also, the more sleep I give myself the more I'll want... But when I give myself less sleep I just become useless.

I need to get active again. I want to blame the cold, dark winter. And maybe it is partly that. Maybe it's just me being crap.