Escapism

I came off my contraception about 3 months ago. I was taking it for acne vulgaris, but once the acne had been gone for about a year I decided it would be ok to come off it.

The first period I had was fine but the next two came with incredibly severe pms. Curled up in a ball crying wanting to hurt myself kind of severe.

When I saw the doctor last week I told her about it and she gave me a new contraceptive for the hormone imbalance, one that is safer to take long term. I quick-started it to avoid having to wait for my next period to take it and having to deal with the horrible pms again.

It's not fully kicked in yet though, so I'm still having the horrible feelings. These days it's not so much crying and wanting to hurt myself as just curling up and trying to run away from everything.

I gave my supervisor the short version if that when I emailed her to ask for the day off. I've been missing a fair bit of work lately (but some of that has been due to the engineer not showing up when he was supposed to), and I keep telling myself I'm gonna fix myself. Instead I sleep and watch tv.

I think I've fallen into the trap I used to fall into during therapy days - trying to escape everything instead of confronting and dealing. Also, the more sleep I give myself the more I'll want... But when I give myself less sleep I just become useless.

I need to get active again. I want to blame the cold, dark winter. And maybe it is partly that. Maybe it's just me being crap.